


The drunk and the hummingbird

by MaxxieGalaxy



Category: South Park
Genre: Alcohol, Bad Decisions, Drugs, Other, Swearing, craig is stupid, public transports, strangers AU, there's no relationship but a weird encounter where Craig makes an ass of himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:29:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4280322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxxieGalaxy/pseuds/MaxxieGalaxy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Craig is going home after a party and he's drunk. Tweek has the misfortune of being in the same subway train as him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The drunk and the hummingbird

**Author's Note:**

> That's probably the worst fic title ever but look at me not giving a fuck.  
> It was 4 am and I needed to write so I randomly picked one of these AUs ideas on Tumblr and this is what I ended up choosing: ‘i’m drunk on public transport and you’re high and we both keep looking at each other knowingly’ au
> 
> I didn't exactly follow this but it was fun to write. Craig's quite an asshole, nothing new here.
> 
> It's now 6am and I didn't re-read myself after writing this, it's pretty self indulgent to be honest.

Craig doesn’t know where he is. He just remembers Clyde pushing him in the subway and telling him to get off at whatever bus stop is nearest his apartment. Man this party sucked ass. Mostly because Eric fucking Cartman decided to push it too far once again and tried to convince Butters -who was tripping balls on acid- that his hand was actually a poptart. Blood and screams ensued. An ambulance arrived, people left Stan’s place and now Craig is drunk as fuck, sitting in a train he’s not even sure is going to take him home and that reeks of sweat.  
There’s drool on his collar and his chullo hat is askew. There’s also a mean headache drilling in his skull. If only he could just drink a bit of water.  
The train takes a sharp turn and Craig goes along with hit, sure, why not. Just crash against the window and stay here until the next turn.  
People are looking at him weirdly. Especially that one guy. He’s sitting opposite of him, his legs twitching so fast Craigs’ inebriated’s eyes can’t follow them. Maybe that guy’s not human. Maybe he’s a hummingbird.  
They make eye contact. Well, Craig stares at him until the guy notices him and once he does, he jumps and hides under his messy blond bangs. Wait, is that--?  
“Water.” Craig mumbles. “Fuck I need water.”  
The twitchy guy has water in that weird bottle and Craig wants, no, needs to ask him some.  
“H-heyy.” He says, very suavely he’s sure of it. “Youuuu gonna drink that?”. He tries pointing at the bottle in the guy’s hand but ends up pointing at his crotch.  
“Gah! What? You talking to me?” Okay, this guy needs to chill.  
“Duh. Seriously man I’m dying here I need water. Like so bad. You know?”  
“Hng-- I don’t know anything, please leave me alone, I don’t have water.”

Craig looks at him as if the guy just grew a third head (he’s so wasted everything is doubled at this point) right in front of him. “Dude.” He stands up, wobbly on his legs but still manages to stumble and crash on the seat next to the guy. “Dude. You’re fuckin lying look a’ that.” He grabs the bottle out of its owner’s hand. “Wass t’hat? A f-fuckin bottle o’ water tha’ you got here, man.”  
He raises the bottle high in the air and grabs the stranger by the shoulder. “Now cheers!” Craig shouts.  
The water tastes fucking vile, it’s like Craig just licked an ashtray. He spits everything in front of him. “GAH! What the FUCK?”  
He looks again at the weird bottle in his hand. It’s green, made of glass and not a bottle at all. Why the fuck would anyone carry a bong in public transports?  
“I told you! I told you I didn’t have water. Now leave me alone you’re --hng-- you’re in my personal space and it makes me feel fucking anxious man, back off.”  
He takes his bong back and pushes Craig away from him.

Craig feels nauseous and he needs water even more than before, he needs to wash away the disgusting taste in his mouth.  
“Hey you got a gum?” This guy ruined his mouth, therefore he owes him a chewing gum or anything to make the ashy taste go away. His logic his flawless.  
“Please leave me alone.” The stranger is looking frantically around him. “Gah, they gonna get me!”  
“W-wait wait, what? Who?”  
“I don’t know. “They”. The bad guys. The gnomes. They’ve been stealing my underwear for years now.” The guy’s sweating bullets now, trying to breathe calmly but Craig can see his chest heaving fast under his olive green parka.  
“L-listen. I don’t know what you’re on right now--”  
“Weed, just weed. It calms me down.” He doesn’t seem calm at all.  
“... Suuuure okaaayy. ‘S that why you’re carrying tha’?” Craig points at the bong. The guy nods. “Y’know it can make people paranoid, right?”  
The blond looks at him with huge eyes and shakes his head. “My friend told me it would make me relax. Oh god. What if he lied to me? Maybe he did that on purpose to make me freak out!” He’s grabbing at his hair now, looking anxiously around him.  
Craig paps his cheek. “Dude the only thing I’d worry ‘bout now is cops. S’fucking stupid to walk ‘round with a bong, what the fuck man?”  
“OH GOD!” The guy drops the incriminating object and it shatters on the floor. “They’re gonna get me, they’re gonna get me and I’m going to prison oh my god what am I gonna do?”  
“You’re fine, I’ll protect you.” Craig slurs. He looks around and recognizes the name of a station near his place. “That’s my stop.” Craig mumbles and struggles to get up from his seat. He notices the guy next to him is standing up too. His hands are shaking so much that he has trouble grabbing the metal bar to keep his balance.  
“That’s my -gnh- stop too!”

When the train stops and the doors open, Craig wobbles out on the platform. He turns to his public transport companion and manages a lazy grin. “Just get back home and sleep, hummingbird guy.” The blond cocks his eyebrow quizzically. “I can walk you home.” He offers, feeling generous, like a knight rescuing a damsel in distress or some shit like that. It’s mostly creepy but he doesn’t realize it.  
“Gah! No! I’ll manage!”  
“’Kay. Just uh, I’m Craig.” Craig offers his sweaty hand to the stranger.  
“I’m Tweek”. The guy shakes his hand and takes out a bottle of hand sanitizer as soon as they’re not touching anymore.  
Craig laughs. “Fucking weird name.”  
“Shut up. Go home, you’re drunk.” Tweek replies. He then turns around and walks toward the exit of the station  
Craig watches him walking away for a moment. _That asshole didn’t even say goodbye_ is the first thing that comes to his mind. _Damn that’s a fine ass_ is the second. What a shame they’ll probably never see each other again.

 


End file.
